Fresno Weekend

I'm back from Fresno and a wonderful weekend with Barb and her extended family. They all treated me so well! Okay, lets start from the beginning, and I'll try to include all the good stuff.

We left Saturday at like 230, and there was some traffic on the Grapevine (which was my first time driving up it). That was interesting... we took the rental, tho, so that was stressless. Our drive up consisted of some CDs and a great David Cross CD. We got into the 'No around 6 ish, maybe 630... you know what? I'm just gonna skip to the interesting stuff. The wedding was nice. We all got tanked. I got to hang out with Barbie and her cousins. We danced, shot the shit, Barb's cousin smacked the shit out of my ass at some point... like 8 times. I met her cousin's nice Jewish roommate chick, and we bonded amongst all the gentiles. We hung out at the motel that night, cause everyone (except me) was drunk at the end of the night, and there wasn't really anything to do in the exciting, exciting Fresno on a Sunday. We had Teppan Yaki for lunch today, with the whole family. The ride home was surprisingly only four hours, and only a couple spots of horrific traffic. I did get tailed by an asshole in an SUV towing a trailer trying to go 80 in the slow/semi-truck lane. The funny part was that he just flashed his brights at me and the guy in front of me (who wasn't speeding up to 90 MPH either). It's always satisfying to watch a shitty driver not make any headway when he's weaving in and out of traffic. We hit CPK a little while ago, and then the store. Oh yeah, I had my first Abba Zaba today, out of extreme curiosity. It was good, but you gotta like peanut butter.

I'd like to give some love out to Barb's folks, who are awesome. They took care of both of us all weekend, which was great of them. If you guys read this, Thank You So Much for all you did for us. It was great spending the weekend with all of you.

Oh yeah, I bought a hat this weekend...


I love vodka. Vodka, vodka, vodka.

So last night, I met Barbie at her work. That was cool. We had pizza, and I met the whole gang at the restaurant. Had a beer, then we came home. We got into the bottle of Vox relatively soon thereafter. I had four shots in like a half hour. I've been a lightweight, too, since I've pretty much been drinking beer in recent months. So four shots in a half hour, plus Chaser plus caplets, turned out pretty well (of course, four shots in a half hour is a fair amount for anybody, isn't it?). I woke up drunk, tho. It's been a long time since I've done that, which was awesome. Thankfully no headache, no hangover. We ate more pizza, and Barb made a rice krispie treat blob, and I pigged out on that. I've been doing well, otherwise, as far as eating well is concerned. Last night, I was just below 200 pounds, at 199.5(!!!!!). That's the lowest I've been since I've graduated college. It's a fucking huge deal for me. Of course, that's on Barbie's scale, which I'm convinced, doesn't give accurate readings for me. My feet are too big for it, and I have to balance to get a decent reading. But I'll take the ego boost, anyway. We're about to go out to find a lil' sumpthin' for Barbie's mom, then trek to Fresno. It's gonna be HOT. Low 90's all weekend... maybe I'll get a tan, or at the very least, a good sunburn. I just hope the drive's good. See ya on Monday!


I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch.

In celebration of the news about my insurance, and in the wake of an otherwise frazzled day, I went to Beverages & More to buy some booze... and by some, I mean a lot. I bought a bottle of Vox Vodka for Miss Barbarella and I for tonight, I bought a bottle of William Harrison Cabernet Sauvignon 2000 (Napa Valley) for a nice dinner, and a bottle of Laphroaig Single Islay Malt Scotch Whisky, 10 Years Old for myself. I managed to get out just under $100, but it's worth it. I'm itching to try that scotch, but I'm driving up to Barbie's tonight, relatively soon, too. So alas, I'll wait til next week.

I received word on my car today. Insurance is paying off the car, completely, plus paying me the cost of tax and license. I'm pretty excited to have found that out. Hopefully soon, I'll find out if I'm getting any money for my whiplash. I'm not expecting to, but it'd be nice if I did.


Hit'chu with that funk, it's like "Who cut the provolone?"

Government officials put taps on my mobile phone.

So the car situation is coming to an end. I found out today that I'm getting fair market value for my car, and I have gap insurance (if you buy a car, and it depreciates due to everyday wear and tear, gap insurance covers the diff. between the new value of the car, and the value of it just before it was wrecked; it's like the car maintains it's new value in the eyes of insurance), so I should be getting all my dough back. The Toyota dealer found another identical Scion xB to what I had, so I should be the recipient of a new car by next week. I hope I get some dough from a settlement cause of this whiplash, but as it stands, that's wishful thinking... I'm tired as fuck. I've sworn off caffeine (among other things) for 30 days, so I've been lethargic while my big ass gets used to a lack of that and sugar. I'm also emotionally on the rampage right now (kinda). I came home, wanting to listen to Rage Against the Machine or System of a Down or Rammstein, but I chose Blackalcious. Perfect hip-hop, I think it's doing the trick, cause it's all about the L-O-V-E, Love (for the most part). So I'm gonna keep chillin'. Maybe try to finish up Harry Potter 5, or at least get close tonight. I'm hungry, too. Anyway...



You heard it here first, folks. I've been diagnosed with whiplash. We'll see what happens now with my insurance.

My chiropractor said that between 1 (healthy) and 10 (Worst possible whiplash), I'm at an 8

Monday, Bloody Monday

Insurance called yesterday, said that my car is officially totaled. That's good news. What'll be interesting is to see what comes of this, how much they give me, how much they pay off, etc. On the downside, my neck is killing me. I'm taking the day off, and I have a chiropractic exam this afternoon. On the upside, Chappelle's Show Season Two came out today, so I think I might go get that.


Sunday, Bloody Sunday

So Jonny left today. It was sad to see him go. We didn't end up making it out to Roscoe's (again), which was a bummer. It's like the second or third time that he's come out and we haven't gone. It was good to spend a week with him, though. Last Thursday marked the 3 year anniversary of Miss Barbara N and myself. We talked and sent flowers, but unfortunately, our paths never crossed. We are gonna have a weekend in the 'No with her family next weekend, so that should be nice. I finished rereading Harry Potter 4 this morning. I started Wednesday or thursday. I just got back from borders with HP 5. I'm hoping to be caught up when HP 6 comes out in July. And then the Goblet of Fire movie in November. I'm a huge geek. I missed comics this weekend, too... that's upsetting, tho I do need to cut back on my monthly titles. I also am in dire need of bags and boards, so it's probably good I didn't get any comics this weekend. Not that I have the money to, either. I'm STILL waiting on a check from Dave. 3 weeks I've been waiting, btw. In all fairness, he's waiting for someone to repay him (it's a sizeable sum, too), but that doesn't make it right. Nor does it help me with my bills, which are now due in six days. So I sit here, bitching and moaning, and tho it makes me feel a LOT better, it doesn't help the situation any.

I've made a promise to myself today. I'm not going to say what it is, but it's a big one. I hope whatever changes I need to make to attain my goals, and the changes that arrive from attaining said goals are worth the effort. Want to know one of the changes? I'm gonna start getting up early... I'm gonna try, anyway.

Attention Fanboys

Ultimate Spidey Game

I'm usually pretty wary of comic games, but this REALLY looks promising. It's cell shaded, which makes it look like its right out of the comic. You can play as Spider-Man AND Venom. And the Story is written by Brian Michael Bendis, the comic's creator, and one of the top writers in comics today. Available 9/17.

Thank you, Marvel Comics. I'll take that check now.


Jabba no bagga!


I'm gonna spoil this move for you all right now. At some point in the movie, Anakin becomes Darth Vader.

There, I said it. I've got to say, I'm way less disappointed with Ep 3 than I thought I would be. Empire Strikes Back is still the best. Okay fanboys and fangirls, lemme have it...

I give it Four(4) Chewies out of Seven(7):

"Abba Zaba, you're my only friend..."

Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?

It's 8 am on a Saturday. All you West Coasters are asleep still, and I'm up cause I have lessons at 930... well, I have a lesson at 930. My second one is at 11. And the worst of it is I just realized I probably could've slept another 30 minutes. Dammit!


Star Wars OCEAN Test

Click to see my Star Wars Personality!!

Openness - Yoda (84%)
Conscientious - Grand Moff Tarkin (47%)
Extraversion - Lando Calrissian (83%)
Agreeableness - Darth Vader (57%)
Neuroticism - Princess Leia (18%)

Wow, I'm like Yoda, Vader, Tarkin, Lando AND Leia?!

I'm still trying to figure out how that works out...

Sciongate, Day Three (The Total)

Not to get excited, but my insurance just called... they might call my car totaled.


Sciongate, Day Two (The Rental)

One more day to hear about my Scion, so I'm driving this:

"Sure, I'll take a truck! F-150? Why not!"

Oy Vey. I was told by the agent that I can change vehicles whenever I want... I think I'm gonna.

Live! From Anaheim! It's... Me! ;)

I bought a webcam today, and it's cool. It's cheap, the resolution's not bad, and if any of you have a cam, please feel free to video chat with yours truly. If you don't have a cam, and just want to see me type, that's weird, but you're gonna be admitted on a case by case basis.


Sciongate, Day One

The first actual step in the process to Jeffy getting his car replaced/repaired happened today. We towed it to the body shop. Tomorrow, the insurance adjustor goes to the body shop to estimate the damage and take pics. Tomorrow or Thrusday, I find out what's going happen.

Guilty Pleasures (Minor, boring ones)

So I'm enjoying three guilty pleasures right now. They aren't sexual ones or anything (unfortunately), but they are as follows:

Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra

Impulse internet shopping (or at least browsing)

David Hyde Pierce as the voice of
Abe Sapien

in Hellboy.


And now, the pics you've been waiting for!

Here's those pics of my crash I promised you all.
The link is to the full-sized version.
The damage looks to be not that bad, but I realized you really gotta see it in person to be able to observe it all. There IS frame damage, we discovered today, and there's damage to the rear interior, too.

Lift Gate & Rear Bumper

Left Quarter Panel, Rear Angle

Left Quarter Panel, Front Angle

Close Up, Bumper & Quarter Panel

Old Man

The band begins a ten to six, When Mr. K performs his tricks without a sound

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Kyle.

(Please turn your attention to the sidebar)

Oh, by the way...

Lady B brought up a good point < paraphrase>:

What if the insurance decides to have the dents and shit pounded out and fixed instead of replaced? < /paraphrase>

Then I guess all my work tonight has been in vain. My idea was that they're at least gonna replace all the broken shit, but we'll see how it all unfolds...

C'mon, New, New Car!!!

And how much do parts for an xB cost, you may ask?

I found a site that sells factory Scion Parts, and I was attempting to price out what I thought might be damaged, and give myself an estimate... Everyone (myself included) needs to keep in mind that I stopped part way through, cause of boredom, but when I stopped, the running total was near $5400. The way I figure it, that total is give-or-take $500, plus another $2500 (or more) of everything I didn't catch, or take into account. And I guess labor rates are somewhere between $35 and $60 an hour. I can't even imagine the hours it'd take to take the offending parts apart, and put it all back together again. So if I call the parts I counted as $5000, and the parts I didn't as $2000, and lets call the labor 100 hours at $35/hour, here's what we've got:


DISCLAIMER: I base these labor costs and time on absolutely nothing. I doubt labor is less than $35/hour. I actually think it's more like $50/hour. And the 100 hour time limit is also a VERY conservative estimate, IMHO.


Up Close and Personal

I love those vid cams that Best Buy has set up on the sales floor...

Cool down period

So I've had around 24 hours to let this whole thing sink in. From what I'm told, when you finance a car, you have full coverage for insurance, so I very well may have what I need already. That said, it's now up to a claims adjuster to give me the good news of the car being totaled, so I can get a replacement. Barbie came down late last night, which was great. I need company, and now, I've got it. We spent the day together, a little Niko Niko, a lot of spa, beer drinking, white russians, Harold & Kumar, Will Ferrell on SNL. There's been enough to keep me distracted and happy today.

As for the neck update: My neck hurts a little more than last night, so I'll be heading to the doc's on monday, though I was really hoping to hit the driving range instead.


How does Jeff feel right now?

This is how:

(yes, I drew this)


Friday the 13th -or- Anybody want to buy a Scion?

Today started out to be a fucking great day. I spent the morning online, got some golf stuff, picked up comics, and went to the driving range. Afterwards, Eric and I went to Acapulco around 530p. We had a good time. Chris and Nash came. Everything seemed cool. Our waitress toook forever, though. All in all, we probably sat for an hour longer than we planned to. We left around 930-945.

I got on the 55 northbound, and traffic was shitty. Way shitty. The guy in front of me stops short, I stop short, and avoid a collision, and I get rear ended by a red truck. Dazed, I call 911, and we wait for something to happen. I manage to get off to the side, and so does the guy who hit me, an undocumented mexican with no license and expired insurance. The whole driver's side of my car is FUCKED. He hit my hatchback on the left, fucking that rear cargo door and the bumper up, buckling the side panel, which twisted the rear passenger door, so it won't open, and its rubbing against the front door, which makes that door difficult to open. He pushed me into the guy in front of me, with which I broke part of my front bumper on the rear of his car. For some reason, that guy sped off. Oh well.

Baruch Hashem that Eric and I weren't hurt, but I'm so crazy right now. Oh, and thankfully, the airbags didn't deploy. I just don't understand why something good happens to me, like getting a car, then it gets wrecked. Oh, and the best part, I might not have uninsured motorist coverage on my insurance after all (way to go, Dad). Worst case scenario I might be paying for it all, and believe me, it's going to be a lot. I'm not kidding. I'm talkin' more than $3K in damage.

Best case scenario, I DO have uninsured motorist coverage, ins. says the xB is totaled, and they'll put a fresh one in my driveway. Just so you all know, I had less than 500 miles on it, and it still smelled new. Now, one of my doors won't fully close, and I have to arm the alarm from the inside. I'm so mad I could scream, which I've been doing all night. And now that the adrenaline is wearing off, my neck is starting to hurt. I hope its just the stress.

ADDENDUM: I'd like to reiterate that the accident was not my fault, and was caused by a fucking asshole, idiot, uninsured driver that deserves to be deported. Yeah, I said it.


You gotta love ignorant neighbors...

I'm at my uncle's, in his guestroom. There's Broadband here, but it's AOL for Broadband, so I can't just plug into it. I figure that since he's in a very well-to-do neighborhood, some of his neighbors might have WiFi. I was right. There's 4 (that's right, four) seperate networks I can access. Unfortuantely, all but one are actually password encrypted. And it's something more than admin, admin. It works, tho (obviously). The signal is at one bar, but it's working, and I feel like such a nerd right now. Their router is set to factory defaults, cause I was gonna go in and change their settings, but then I realized that I don't want to mess anything up for the rest of tonight, in the morning, or when I come back here. Tonight was good. Met up with Uncle H after his golf tourney. I got to have a free dinner (filet, no less), and I may very well be getting clubs tomorrow. It just keeps getting better and better.

$21.71 (or My First Scion Update)

That's how much it cost me to drive 270 miles in my xB. In my Camaro it used to cost me $35+ to go that may miles. I'm ecstatic.


James Caan and Golf Lessons

So today, I drove out to the valley to meet my Uncle H. We met up for lunch, which was awesome. A nice Jewish deli in the valley, which we always go to when I come out. We had a sandwich, and convinced him to gimme a golf lesson. It took about > < this much arm-twisting to make that happen. So we head off to the country club, of which he's a member, to shag a few balls. A few whiffs and shanks later, I hear a voice say

"Don't fucking hit it like that, look here!"

I turn around while my uncle's saying "Hey Jimmy!"

James Fucking Caan is standing there, yelling golf tips at me. "Hey Jimmy, this is my nephew, Jeff"

"Hey, nice to meet ya, Jimmy" I say, and for the next, maybe, hour, I'm getting shown how to golf by James Caan (on and off). He's good, too.

He tried showing me metaphors and analogies for how to golf, and when I tried to imitate him, he said "not fucking like that! Like this!"

"I'm tryin' hard, Jimmy. I'm tryin'."

Anyway, he's a great fucking guy. Tough as nails, but awesome to be around. I fucking hate myself for not asking to take a pic with him, but maybe I'll get a second chance at some point. James Caan.

Golf was awesome. My Aunt and Uncle took Barbie and I out for some Chee'cake Fac'ry. And now, I'm with B and we're watching Chappelle's Show. All in all a good day. From 730a when I woke up to now and beyond (whenever I go to bed). Tomorrow and Thursday should be about the same, thankfully. Pretty much every day I'm not at work will be just as good.


Real Ultimate Power

So today, Chris and I were locked in battle. His friend, Chuck, wanted to make a martial arts short. Chris was a samurai, I, a ninja. Hilarity ensued. We were there for maybe 6 hours, for a film that's about 5 minutes. I was awesome. Tho, I pretty much had the shit kicked out of me for the entire film. Hopefully they'll get to editing it soon, so I can put a link up to it.


Every fiber in my being tells me not to blog this, due to the ridicule I'll receive, but I have to. I owe it to all of you who care. Without further delay, HP4


Scion xB, Part II (it's ok to be jealous)

God, I'm the happiest kid on my block. I've been getting looks all day on the road. You all should take a ride in one of these.

Scion xB

Here it is kiddies. My new Car!!!


As of 845 tonight, it was officially mine! It's Camoflauge (metallic green) and it's fucking awesome. My Mom, Dad, and Chris and Eric all gave their stamps of approval. If you wanna check it out, be my guest. Fucking awesome car!!!


The Psycho White Rapper Kid (NOT WORK SAFE!!!)


I've been meaning to post this here for a couple of weeks. There's this fat kid that put this song out on the internet called "The Superbowl is Gay" and it's really fucking funny. Well, he's back with some gibberish rappin' that's hilarious. I think he's between the ages of 10 and 13, btw, but I'm probably wrong. You gotta understand that this kid says things that most of us would probably be embarrassed to say. Some of the shit is clever, tho. SOME of it. Not most. If you want a good laugh, while being utterly shocked, Here you go: NOT WORK SAFE!!!.


(Like any of you, except Jeremy, have day jobs anyway)

Tonight's the night...

Tonight's the night,
That you belong to me.
Tonight's the night,
You're mine, exclusively.
Don't wait too long,
Just pick up that phone.
Call my twenty-four hour number!
And I'll bring my big fat fine self on home.

-"King" Solomon Burke, from the House of Blues in New Orleans

It's here. It's ready. I'm getting it tonight. My car is sitting at the dealership, just aching to be picked up. Barring it getting sold to someone else (since we have arrangements to get it tonight), I'll have a new car by dinnertime. I'll post picks, don't worry.


3's over 9's

That was the hand that I ended up dominating Monday night poker with. It was down to two of us. I had pocket 3's. I got my full boat on the flop: 3,9,9. The turn and river were running 2's. I slowplayed, and the other player kept calling me. I raised enough for him to be down to almost nothing, and he called, but he didn't raise all-in. He flipped his pocket cards and he had a 2. So it was 2's Over vs. 3's Over. It was the worst bad beat I've ever given anyone. The next hand, I had Q,6 and the flop was X,6,4.. The other guy went all in with Q,4, something like 1000 chips, to my 7000-10K. The turn was another 6. So I had trips, and he was drawing dead. Out of the last 3 weeks, I've won twice. I've been playing with this group for 4 weeks, btw. I'm batting .500 with these guys, it's great. I've bought in $40, and won a total of $90. I rule!

Today, however, was a less good day. I'll save the details, since I'm beat. I'll just say that it involves Me, Eric, and trying to push a 3 ton truck. So tired...



This is the phone # that'll call me on random mornings. Early. And wake me. Like this morning. If this is your number, stop calling me. Leave a comment, with your first and last name and I'll remove this post. I leave this number, 714.772.1190, to you all in an act of rage. Feel free to call these people any time. Pretend you're telemarketers. Interrupt their dinner. Wake them up at 3 am. I don't care. I'm sick of this shit. If this is your number, and you're upset, suck my balls. You get what you deserve.

If any of you end up finding out who it is, go ahead and let me know.

This weekend, and how it really worked out.

The first half of saturday was cool. Lessons were cool. Lunch with Chris and Nash was cool. That's where everything stopped falling into place. That morning, I signed up with this car buying service, sponsored by my credit union. I missed their call in the afternooon, and they never returned my call, after I called back. I went to a dealership, and test drove the manual trans and auto versions of my desired car. I wasn't ready to wheel and deal just then, so I left, in my well-used camaro. Then I got some comics and went home. My parents and I went to another dealer in tustin, and test drove another one. I can safely say that I hate dealerships. It was the last day of the month, so all the motherfuckers have to make their quota, and if they're short, they're like vultures. They were all looking at us, pacing, ready for the kill. This super aggressive persian salesman practically bum rushed us. He was so swarthy. So confident. It was almost too bad that we burst his bubble. Almost. You could see it in his face. The "Oh, Allah, why am I wasting my time with these people?" Like I give a fuck. Now, I'm just going to wait for Autoland.com to get back to me, let them do what they do, and hopefully I'll have a new car this week, and pics posted sometime soon after.


Soaring to new heights of mundane...

I'd like to announce the inauguration of The Blog of Ryan Rost!!! If you look off to the newly reorganized sidebar, you'll see a link. Click it, Bookmark it, Fart on it... I don't care, and I'm sure Ryan doesn't either.