Look! New Icons!

The New Ones Are:



The Blood Orange

This Weekend, At Large

I got a call late Friday from Ryan (Eric's brother) about a rehearsal in Covina for a jazz septet on Saturday after my lessons. It was the first rehearsal, and everyone was pretty much having a rough time sight reading the book, but it was fun. The music's good. It should work out to be a good band.

I'm at Barb's now. We've been chillin'. We were gonna see a movie, but we've been pretty lazy. We stayed in and made dinner late last night. Today, we went to my favorite diner, Du-par's, for breakfast, then to the Farmer's Market just down the street. A miniature farmer's market. I bought blood oranges for the first time. Something about cutting into an orange, and seeing the deepest crimson you'd ever hope to see is pretty cool. They're delicious, by the way. I'll take a pic later of the next one we eat. I saw Ed Begley Jr. there, too. 'Who?' you ask? Exactly. Here's a freebie from me.

I've got a rehearsal for the band with no name tonight. We're up a drummer, but down a trumpet player. A fair trade in the long run, I think.


100 x 100 @ In N Out

In an incredible feat of gluttony, these guys went to In N Out, drunk, and ordered a Double Double with 98 extra patties and cheese. And finished the whole thing.

Don't believe me?
"Impossible!" you say?

Much love to the guy(s) at What Up Willy for attempting such a venture.

"Since it's true, why haven't I heard about this yet?"

Well, if you're net-savvy, you probably have heard already. But if not, here's a link to the guys blog just so you can see the grossness for yourself.


The further down you scroll, the grosser the pics get. If you want to continue to eat In N Out after reading this, stay strong, and don't puke.

And before you ask, yes, they finished it.

100 x 100 @ whatupwilly.blogspot.com

Boob. Boob boob boob. Boob boob.

I don't think many of you like Drawn Together, but it's been pretty funny this season. And it's offensive as hell, to everyone, so you can't really go wrong.

This has got to be my favorite gag so far, and it just so happens to be on iFilm, so you're all lucky. Without further adieu:

Way to fuck with evolution, Captain Hero.


10 Things You Never Knew About Me

Ten Top Trivia Tips about JeffX!

  1. JeffX can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
  2. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of JeffX.
  3. JeffX can only be destroyed by intense heat, and is impermeable even to acid.
  4. In the 1600s, tobacco was frequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and JeffX!
  5. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as JeffX.
  6. JeffX can use only about ten percent of his brain.
  7. Scientists have discovered that JeffX can smell the presence of autism in children!
  8. The horns of JeffX are made entirely from hair!
  9. A JeffXometer is used to measure JeffX.
  10. JeffX can clean his ears with his tongue, which is over thirty-nine inches long!
I am interested in - do tell me about

Lazy Monday

You all remember Lazy Sunday, right?

Well, here's the West Coast response.

Lazy Monday.

It's nice to see LA and NY Jews have the same interests.


You forgot, didn't you? -or- Get Ya' Hustle On

Dirrty South Rapper, Juvenile, in an effort to use the Ultimate Jewish Weapon™ against American Pop Culture, has made a video about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and the rebuild efforts. This video can be seen Here. I'll give you all a chance to take it in.

All Set?

Nice to know the kids still have stuff to do out there. Anyone else make any sense out of anything that wasn't written down? I mean, there's no excuse for the American people to neglect our fellow citizens who's lives are getting worse and worse by the hour, still. But Juvenile, don't you think it would behoove you to maybe say the hard hitting things you have to say a little more intelligibly?

"Ever'body need a check from FEMA so he can go sto' him some cocaina."

Take the gold toofs out, Juvenile.

Stay outta Malibu, Lebowski! Stay outta Malibu, deadbeat!

On/Off Switch

I need one installed in my brain. I can't shut my damn brain off. There's so many things I'm worried about, stressed out over, so many things I want, things I need, and I feel like I've come to a brick wall. Hard. I can't figure out how to get ahead. And I can't stop thinking. I can't shut the thinking off when I need to. Good or bad thinking, doesn't matter. This is usually why I end up being a hermit a lot of the time. You might call it anxiety. I think I'd like to try and learn meditation. I've thought about it before. I think it's time to put up or shut up.



So I'm feeling kinda crappy right now. Tired, but not sleepy. Headache, but not pain. I want a beer, but I'm not feeling like drinking. Bleh.

NAMM Show, Day 2

Went for an hour and a half or so today with Eric and Ryan (Eric's bro). We looked at a few things different than what I caught yesterday. We saw a run of 4 hot chick DJs scratching it up all at once. Also, Bootsy Collins and Buckethead and their entourage walked right by us. I gave Bootsy the obligatory "Yeah, baby!" To which he promptly ignored. I played that Kanstul bass bone again, with a different mouthpiece, and I was again impressed with both. I'm ready to buy the whole set-up. Played an alto trombone for the first time, and few cheap-ass Chinese instruments. If you're looking for a cheap instrument, don't buy Chinese. The leadpipe came out of the first one I tried. And call me crazy, but I think $250 trombones don't come with such luxuries as removable leadpipes. I don't know much about 'em, so I don't know if I can give a good description of how useful they are.


NAMM Show, Day 1

The first thing I realized today when i walked into the NAMM Show is that I should've learned to play guitar or drums. If you play either of those instruments, you'll be in absolute heaven.

The one thing I discovered at the NAMM Show today is that out of the 20 or so trombones I played, all the ones I want aren't at all what I have now... played the Kanstul 1662 today, too. It's good. Real good. Fun, too. Here's the somewhat accurate rundown of what I played today, with grades. Ones I'd buy are in italics; I'll try to narrow it down to no more than 5:

1662 = A
1688CR-ST = A
1608 = A
1608-ST = A+
1606 (the BEST trombone I've ever played!!) =A++
750 = B+
F Contrabass (an $8000 instrument) = I was hardly able to make a note on this one, so I'll give it an A+ for crastsmanship, C- for my own poor abilities.

1052 FD = B- (not the Getzen bass I'm already interested in)
3047 = A-

.547 With TruBore F Rotor(Large Bore, I don't remember the Model #) = A+
Dual Inline Thayer Bass (about $4400) = A

Buffet Crampon
Hagmann tenor = B+
Thayer tenor = A-

YSL-630 = B
882O = A-
882GO = A
697Z = A
YBL-613 = B
YSL-200 = B

Conn 62H = C-
Bach 42A = B-
Jupiter 740L = C

Plus a few Euphonia, student horns, and bones I can't quite remember. I can't wait to go tomorrow. More to come.



Two quick quotes before bed:

"You take dark chocolate, mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink."

      -New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin when asked to clarify his comment about wanting to rebuild New Orleans as a "chocolate city."

and the pièce de résistance...

"I want to pluck my eyes from my head and stick them in my ears, so I can't hear, and all I see is darkness."

      -Me, describing how I feel when I have to sub 7th grade girls.

That last one is, thus far, the best quote for 2006. In fact, I place it in contention for best quote of the entire year.

All original material © Jeff Long 2006.
Use it without permission, and I punch your grandfather in the balls.


Dear American Idol,

     Why do you have to preempt House, MD?! I look forward to ONE show a week, and now, I can't watch it, cause America wants to see a bunch of no talent hacks try to make a name for themselves. Now, I know a lot of the readers hear tune in for the first two weeks, or whatever the fuck, but when is this bullshit gonna stop? If it were giving the youth of America some assemblemce of musical appreciation, then I'd be first on the American Idol bandwagon. But as it stands, I'm long since over it. Stop the bullshit, FOX. Please.


The Big Reveal

Okay, kiddies, here comes the reveal. Hope you've got your scorecards ready.

Elkhorn, WI***
Getzen 1062 FDR
Approximate Price: $2000 (give or take)

***I was wrong with this one. It's not from Elkhart, Indiana, it's from Elkhorn, Wisconsin. No harm, no foul, right?

Anaheim, CA
Kanstul 1662
Approx. Price: $3200

Hamamatsu, Japan
Yamaha YBL-620G
Approx. Price: $2500

I've only played the first one, the Getzen, and it's a fucking beautiful trombone. One that could well handle anything I throw at it, and it's supposed to be a great bass bone to start out on. The Yamaha is supposed to be pretty damn good for an entry level bass bone, too. An easy one to make the switch from tenor to bass. I've heard/read that it's incredibly responsive and can also handle anything I'd be able to give it. As for Kanstul...

There's incredibly well known custom shops in the trombone world, Edwards in Elkhart, Shires in Boston, Rath in London, and Thein in Germany. Their work is second to none, save amongst each other. They're made to order, and to the exact specs of the client. Their products are also regarded as HUGE status symbols in the music world. A bass trombone from any of those makers would easily cost at least $4300 (Shires) and upwards of $8000 (Thein). A fair comparison to these four is to compare them to Ferrari, Lamborghini, Bentley, and Rolls Royce. Fucking incredible cars that perform like dreams, and are massive status symbols. The Kanstul is, from what I understand, worth every cent and beyond, much like the afore mentioned high-end shops. Crafted right here in Anaheim, the Kanstul bass I'm eyeing is also 100% custom, and they offer a few things on this bone that those other makers don't on their bass trombones. I won't go into detail, but they're definitely innovative. I like to think of Kanstul as Aston Martin. Not too flashy in comparison, but performs like a beast. And at about half the price of the others, I might add. What I've read on the Kanstul is that those that try them are sold on them. The 1662, I mean. It's appealing that I could conceivably afford this bone in the next few months, that I could be playing one of the top instruments in production today, and that it's made in my home town of Anaheim (those of you that know me know I'm a home town boy). So the choice is obvious, right?

The more I think of it, I'd need to have much more excess income to get the Kanstul, so as of today, I think it's more on the backburner than the other two at this point. Also, I'd hate to spend $3200 on a bass trombone (oh yeah, and another $300 on a case, since it doesn't come with one) only to find that I hate playing bass bone. $2000 I can recoup, $3200 seems a little more daunting. The Getzen had a large lead for a while, before I became more informed about the other two. Now, the Yamaha is the slight advantage in the race. But only under these pretenses:

1) It sings at least as well as the Getzen did when I tried it for the first time. This is first and foremost. Don't forget, I haven't played this one yet.

2) I can get a slammin' price from Music Maker, since the management can get the horn at cost, and set me up with a sweet deal.

I'm this > < close to knowing for sure if I'll be able to hit the NAMM Show this weekend, and if I end up going (pleasepleaseplease!!!), I should have the chance to try out all the trombones to my heart's desires. If I can go, I'll be going at least three days in a row. With a digital cam. And a notepad. It'll give me a chance to check out cases, too.


And then there were three...

So a few of you know I'm intending to buy a bass trombone (hopefully) by Summer. If I don't go used, the following three bones are (at this point) the ones I'd consider buying brand-spanking new. Take a look:




Which one do you like?

These three beautiful instruments range from $2000 to $3200. One's made in the Indiana, one in Japan, one right here in Anaheim. I haven't had a chance to play them all, but the one(s) I have played is(are) great, while the other one(s) I've only read reviews on. From professional bass bonists, no less. And it's other people's opinions that have narrowed these choices down for me. If I make it to the NAMM Show next weekend, then I'll have a chance to check all of these out, as well as other instruments I'd not yet considered.

As opposed as I am to shelling out $3200 for an instrument, I look at it like spending extra money on a better car. Might be pretty comparable to most other new cars at first, but once you break it in, you find just how much it truly has to offer. You'd be happy with less expensive cars, and they'd be in it for the long haul. Steve brought up a good point at rehearsal tonight about the whole thing. If you can get the best equipment possible to make the best music possible, then it's worth the dough. Of course, Eric's point of will the instrument end up paying itself off in the long run is a very valid argument. If I buy a three thousand dollar bone, will I be able to hustle three grand worth of gigs to pay it off? That's 30 $100 gigs. Doesn't seem like very much, but when you're not gigging, it sure sounds like a lot.

It's Clobberin' Time!

I found these gems in the clearance aisle at Target today. Those and a Nerf revolver.


40 Year Old Virgin > Wedding Crashers

It needed to be said.

Taking the Pepsi Challenge, among other things...

Woke up in a daze this morning. My face was buried in the pillow (which it never is), and when I pulled it away, I realized that I left my blinds a little open last night. A little too much sunlight was my wake-up call today...

When I finally woke up and got out of bed, around 10, I tried getting ready to do a little construction, but couldn't bring myself to it. I honestly struggled with myself for a half an hour, trying to decide whether to work or not. I didn't. So, I had an easy morning. Some Star Trek, a little porn, more Trek, and then a kick ass sandwich. As I was eating, Sam Ash called, saying my ProTec trombone case came in, so I went to pick it up. I've been waiting a week or so for this thing to come in, and when I got there, it was (surprise, surprise) the wrong case model. I should've known. The case was a discontinued item, and the last in stock in the entire company inventory. Well, I gave it the Pepsi Challenge, and it failed. Small outer pocket, poor use of space, mouthpiece holder in the wrong place (likely to damage the bell if opened wrong), the slide holder was in the wrong place than depicted in the picture. I could continue, but I won't. I didn't even put my trombone in it. Didn't have to. Piece. Of. Shit. That'll teach me not to buy a specialty item at a true music store. I got my store credit back, so no harm, no foul. My quest for a case begins anew. At least I have enough store credit to buy a fuckin' mic, a stand, and a cable. Or a large portion of that stuff, anyway.

After a quick stop at the Comic Store, I went to ABI, to check out any bone cases they have, and unsurprisingly, they don't have shit either. I did play a couple of bones, though. A very disappointing Kanstul bass trombone, the Kanstul 1585. For a three thousand dollar trombone, I was pretty unimpressed. It sounded good, and with some grease and a little slide lube, it might even feel better to play. The surprising part was that the valve levers were placed in such poor locations on the horn, that I couldn't play it properly. Any time I actioned the valves, my other fingers ended up being in the way Maybe it's just me, but I hope that the other Kanstul bass bones are a lot more... ergonomically designed. Especially since I have my eye on a different Kanstul model. I tried a Yamaha bone, too. It's the Yamaha 882O Xeno, a bit similar to my 88H, and I was pretty damn impressed. If I were to sell mine and buy another symphony tenor, I'd definitely consider this bone, but with the gold brass bell. I'm really stoked that I'm considering a Yamaha bass bone now. Also, the mouthpiece I used was pretty sweet. A slight variation on my current large bore 'piece, so I bought that, to take home to compare on my own equipment. I also bought a plastic mouthpiece, out of pure curiosity.

So I gave took the Pepsi Challenge with all my mouthpieces, one being my original mouthpiece (when I got the horn in '99), the other two, slight variations on the original (one I've had for years, the other I bought today). I think I like the one I bought today best. Then I took the challenge with my plastic mouthpiece vs. my gold one. The gold one is better, but the plastic is a LOT better than I anticipated. I'd definitely practice and play on it some more. Oh yeah, it's Jet Black, too.

Oh yeah, I broke 10,000 miles in the toaster today.
It's also 8 months to the day of my accident...
Friday the 13th.


Laziest. Video. Ever.


Two warnings.

1. Watch out for the creepy graphic at the top of the page.
2. You're not hearing it funny. He's singing gibbberish. Any assemblence of actual words (besides 'Chacarron,' et al) is your own craziness playing tricks on you.



Advice from Mooj

If you have or haven't seen 40 Year-Old Virgin, and you haven't bought the unrated DVD yet, do yourself the favor and buy it in the morning. Every deleted scene, extended scene, documentary, the 17 minutes of added footage in the film, and the incredible commentary make this a DVD that will be a staple, in the jefflong.blogspot.com DVD library. Right along with The Sopranos Season 2, Fellowship of the Ring, Futurama Season 1, and everyone's favorite, The Big Lebowski.

There's one scene they have in Special Features on this DVD, called "Advice from Mooj" that is seriously like drugs for me. It's this scene where Mooj, this little old Indian guy (played by Gerry Bednow), is giving life/sex advice to Steve Carell's character. I can't stop thinking about it or watching it, cause it's SO fucking funny. I'm tempted to put a transcription of it on here for sheer shock value, but Barb warned me that her mom (Hi, Diane!) stops by the ol' House Of X every now and again. And though I'm not one to often censor the things I say, this is WAY over the top. I just transcribed the lines, so if there's anyone who wants it, drop me a line, and it's all yours.


Another Day...

This week, vacation is ending...
This week, life returns to normal...
Day by day, things keep happening to bring me out of the bliss I was having in these last couple of responsibility-free weeks. I've got construction today (I'm gonna shoot for an in time of 11) until about 4, then I come home and get ready for my first day of lessons for the new year. Then Monday, the semester starts in the school district, so that means I'll be back to subbing, as long as I get calls.

I'm getting a trombone case soon (hopefully), from Sam Ash. A leather ProTec case. I'll post pics if or when it comes. Also, I might be getting a new phone, but more details on that as they arise.


As if there was any doubt...

how jedi are you?

Best. Shirt. Ever.

Just the fact that I'm blogging about this shirt makes the Universe strain it's very seams.


A Few Pics from AZ

So here's a few from the last week. The ones that turned out, anyway:

The Man. The Myth. Jonny.

John B. and Marley


My main distraction on this trip...

This weird blue spire near Jonny's apartment. Glows this crazy blue at night.

Marley, the most insane dog ever.

I didn't take this pic, but we saw this place from the street, and I had to mention it.


One. One. Oh-Six.

It's 1040 on the first day of the year, and it's been off to an easy start, thus far. I'm here at Barbie's, and we're chillin'. Today, we got up and went to Best Buy where we bought each other belated Xmas gifts. 40 Year-Old Virgin for me, Serenity for her We spent the rest of the day drinking mimosas, then screwdrivers (we have a lot of OJ). She's asleep now, and she has been since at least 7pm, and my attempts to wake her have proven futile at best. The joke is gonna be her waking up at like 430 am, and me, up at 10 or so. We were gonna pick up Thai, but our preferred place is closed on Sundays. At that news, Barb fell back asleep. I whipped up some 'sketti in the meantime. Now, it's [adult swim] and whatever beer Barbie's got left in the fridge.

Go To Hell!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test