Dear "Online Casino,"

Please stop leaving random advertisements on my blog. If you're responsible for this bullshit, it's time to stop. You spammed me twice. Congrats. One more time, and you can suck my big, white balls.


Anyone looking to buy some cheap pro studio gear?

Eric's now selling all the gear we pulled out of the studio and boxed up. Check out his eBay auctions.

Studio Gear

The gear being sold is:

1 Roland MC-909
1 Tascam DM 24 Mixer
1 Tascam MU 24 Meterbridge
1 Tascam MX 2424 HD recorder
1 Tascam RC 2424 HD recorder remote
1 Tascam CD-RW 700 CD Burner
3 96 point TT patchbays (set of 3)

The gear is over $7500 new, and starting bids add up to something less than half that amount, and this stuff has all only been used for a few minutes each, so it's all almost new.

Buy it.


Arizona Part 7, 8, 9, & Epilogue

April 20th, Late, Jon's place

Today's April 20th, or 420, which if you don't know what that means, you're probably too old. I didn't really take advantage of the circumstances until bedtime. Jon and I went to Oregano's for lunch, which was out of site. Oregano's is this Italian place where the food is motherfucking fantastic! They sell pizza, pasta, entrees, and huge ass sandwiches, of which we only had the last. We both came out of there with serious food comas (the beers didn't help. Then we decided to break in the new clubs. I sucked so much ass at golf, it was embarrassing. I haven't golfed since last year, and it showed. Hopefully, I'll get a lesson or two from Uncle H when I get out there tomorrow. When we got back, both Jon and I were tired as fuck. It was the hottest day of the week, by far. He slept and I played Oblivion until dinner.

April 21, 1:43p, Somewhere in AZ, about 90 miles East of the CA Border

It's over. My week of irresponsibility has come to an end. We're headed back.

(In the car, I just gave my mom Super Mario Bros. to play :) It's great to hear her commentary while she plays.)

This morning was much more low key than I thought it'd be. I played some Oblivion, got ready, then Mom & Dad came. We said our goodbyes, and the three of us got on the road. It was a little odd, actually. We stopped at Red Robin, one minute from Jon's place, minus Jonny, and that's that. Now, we're two hours into our drive. It's going well. Still in AZ, 7 miles from Quartzite, 29 from Blythe (CA/AZ Border), and 254 from LA, according to that sign.

April 21, 530pm, Casino Morongo

We stopped at Casino Morongo. At Jon's recommend, I played video roulette for maybe 45 minutes. I didn't win much, but I played $5 and left with $10. If any of you ever get a chance to play this, bet '0' or '00.' A quarter bet wins you $9 if you hit it.

Epilogue, Now, Anaheim, CA:

Great trip. I hope to get out there again by Summer. The big joke was if I was ready to move out there. As cool as that would be, 1) I wouldn't just leave everyone out here (especially Barbie), 2) It wouldn't be a vacation anymore if I had to get a job and pay rent. Oh well.


Tonight's Lecture

With my Uncle, I attended this year's last lecture of the series put on by the University of Judaism. I guess some are heavily Jewish, but this was was about US foreign policy, specifically in the Mid East. I wasn't expecting much until I heard the discussion panel:

-Gen. Wesley Clark, retired 4-star US general
-Dr. David Kay, head of the Iraq Survey Group which found the non-existence of WMDs in Iraq
-Gov. Tom Ridge, Former US Secretary of Homeland Security

And all those guys were moderated by George Stephanopoulos.

Excellent lecture. A little long, but pretty informative. Basically Clark, Kay, and Ridge, each in their own words, admitted that our intelligence is worse than anyone realizes, we're not nearly as safe as we think we are, watch out for China and India in the next 30 years, and Cowboy diplomacy doesn't work.

Arizona, Part 6

April 19, 1:43p, Jon's place

Today was Jonny's official 23rd birthday. We hung out for most of the morning. The parents came by & took us out to lunch, then a little shopping. I got sandals. Cheap ones, but they're good enough to make the rest of the trip more comfy. Jon's roommates got him a set of golf clubs for his day, too.

We went to Houston's for a fancyish dinner. I had a filet, everyone else had prime rib. I ended up riding back with Greg in his new Mustang. This is the same Greg who hooked up my new URL HouseOfLong.com. After dinner, we hung out with the 16th prez and watched National Lampoon's Barely Legal. Now, you gotta understand I didn't have all my mental faculties when I saw this, so I'm not really sure what happened, but I'll try to summarize as best I can:

3 high school virgin nerds want to start a porno company (so they'll be popular) and they do... I think. One nerd has like 3 girlfriends at one time. There were some bare tits. Horatio Sanz plays a Ron Jeremy-type character, and I think everyone learns a valuable lesson in the end. But really, I can't remember shit.


House of X(BOX 360): Now accepting donations

I'm sold on the XBOX 360. After playing it for a week at Jon's, I want to get one. Which means my dumb ass is thinking of buying all three next-gen console systems. I don't even play that many games anymore. I'm just easily swayed by great looking RPG's. The best deal I've found is $325 for the premium system, which I think is pretty decent. I don't even need online play or anything like that. I guess I'll just have to wait until I'm making some regular dough. There's more important things to buy/pay for than an XBOX, anyway. I could always buy this one:

Star Wars, anyone?

Arizona, Parts 3, 4, & 5

April 18th, 12:01am, Scottsdale, AZ (Jon's place)

We went out to Four Peaks Brewery in Scottsdale. They brew all their own drafts in-house. Jon had 3 of their "Kiltlifter" Ales, to four of my Oatmeal Stouts. Once drunk, we decided to shoot some pool. I put our four quarters in, and only two balls came out. [Insert Joke Here]. The '5' and the '7.' I looked in that little window on teh side, and there weren't 13 billiard balls there. There were, in fact, none. I stuck my arm up the little chute and there weren't any there, either. So we took the two that came out as souvenirs. I've got the orange 5.

April 18th, 5:41pm, Jon's place

In about 45 minutes, we head out to the Yardhouse Jonny works at for a little dinner.

I got up around 830 today and got to see something I haven't seen in a while: The Price is Right. Fucking awesome. Then I started a character on Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion for XBOX 360 and played that for about 3-4 hours. Then, I got sick of my guy and started a new one.

Jon & Dad showed up with Jon's newest bounty from IKEA. How many monkeys does it take to put an IKEA desk together? Three, apparently. We finally got it, tho.

[Apparently, I'm quite the foreman, since I doled out tasks to get the thing assembled somewhat quickly.]

Now, it's Clippers VS. Grizzlies until the parents get here. I think I'll have a beer.

(I need some sandals...)

April 18th, 10:53p, Jon's place

Abe Lincoln + South Park + Super Mario Bros. = =D


Arizona, Parts 1 & 2

April 17th, 12:28pm, Middle of Nowhere, CA

I decided that I'm gonna actually write my blogs out like real journal entries, and just type 'em out when I get back. Here goes:

This is the worst part of the trip. The Drive. Actually, the WORST part of the trip is listening to the "Best of Queen" CD while watching my mom's utter lack of rhythm & timing while she's dancing in the front seat. Now, I'm not saying I'm Groove Holmes over here, but it's people like my mom that perpetuate the myth that white people don't have rhythm. It's iPod time. More to come.

April 17th, 3:07pm, Phoenix, AZ

How weird is it that my parents are both crazy in unison? My brother gave us directions. Pretty succinct ones, too, and they both became overwhelmed by the paranoia that we're lost. This whole trip had better not be like this.


Back, but only just.

We just got back from AZ. Well, we just got back from having dinner. We've been back for two hours now, and now I'm packing up to head out to the valley to go back and forth between Barb's and my Uncle's for the weekend (ending on Tuesday).

I wrote a ton of shit out as far as journal entries go, and I'll try to get them typed up this weekend so you can all see the debauchery that went down at my bro's place this week.


Gone Fishin'

I've made the executive decision to use my time in Arizona to get away from teh computer. To cut the cord, if you will. If I don't get the chance to update on someone elses comp, just take it as me having a wonderful time. I will however be bringing my 3B (in the trusty new case I just got for it) for some much needed face time. I'm bringing a handful of other things to kill time if I find myself alone with nothing to do (DKR, anybody?). I will try to check my email every day or so, so me up with an email or a comment on this thing if anything exciting happens. I gotta finish this San Miguel before I hit the hay. Be back in a few days.


Daily Vocab: styptic, perky, gravitas


    -Contracting the tissues or blood vessels; astringent.
    -Tending to check bleeding by contracting the tissues or blood vessels; hemostatic.

    -Having a buoyant or self-confident air; briskly cheerful.
    -Jaunty; sprightly.
    ant: Gravitas

    -Substance; weightiness.
    -A serious or dignified demeanor


My Week in Hell, plus other travels.

I'm going to Arizona in two days. And I say it's "Hell," not because it's a bad time, but because it's going to be hot as fuck out there. Jonny says 90°F - 95°F during the day. Spending time in Arizona is the fucking best thing ever. I'm driving out with my parents, and I get to crash in my bro's bed at his second apartment (long story). We're there from Monday to Friday morning, and the only obligation I have is to go out to dinner on Wednesday night for Jonny's 23rd Birthday, as well as spend some much needed quality time with Jonny Q. I'll try to get some new kick ass pics with my new kick ass phone, since the res. is higher.

The day after we get back, I'm gonna head out to my Uncle's for something like 4 days. It should be a lot of having a good time. Maybe some golf, too. I'll try to snap a pic (or video) if I see James Caan again.

This weekend, however, I'm at the lovely Barbie's house, blogging and trying to think of what to do tonight. Tomorrow is Brunch, which is the only real reason for me to celebrate Easter. We're part of a huge ass group at the Hyatt in Huntington Beach. It's quite the spread. I went to this brunch last year, too and had a decent time. It'll be great to have Barb keep me company this time.

Hopefully I'll blog between now and when I leave for AZ, but I'm not planning on it. I'm taking my comp with me (I'm feeling the urge to name it, btw), so I'll update from the Grand Canyon State.

Itchy. Tasty.


Paul F. Tompkins isn't funny.

Paul F. Tompkins is a comedian who has a lot of bit parts in things, and he's in VH1's The Best Week Ever. He's literally the antithesis of the word "funny." I see this asshole on a lot of things, I listen to his jokes, and every time he tries to tell a joke or an anecdote, he's deafeningly unfunny. It actually causes me physical pain to l;isten to him. Paul F. Tompkins, please retire, or go back to telemarketing where your "humor" would be more welcome.

Other famous people that aren't funny:

-Jon Heder ("Napolean Dynomite")
-David Spade
-Martin Short
-Chevy Chase (It needed to be said)

Fuck them fools!


Happy 436th Birthday, Guy Fawkes

There's one more minute left of April 13. I'm just about out of time, but I need to mention this. I spent a bit of time on Wikipedia today in class tryng to find interesting events, and discovered that it's Guy Fawkes' birthday today. This day in 1570, the man who tried to blow up King James I of England (along with all of British Parliment), and who was inspiration for V for Vendetta, was born. Happy 436th Birthday, Guy.


The Protocols of Zion

I saw a movie on HBO last night called The Protocols of Zion. It's a documentary centered on a document called "The Protocols of Zion." The general anti-Semetic population considers this to be the Great Jewish Conspiracy. Historians have proven the documents to be false and forged and what have you, but if it's in print (or in text, online) people will believe it. If you think there's no anti-Semitism in this world, take a close look at this movie. Filmmaker Marc Levin goes around the country, talking to people of all beliefs, trying to find a shred of truth to this "conspiracy," and to discover why people believe so strongly in this theory. He speaks to Neo-Nazis, Palestinian Ex-pats, Islamic Fundamentalists, Christian Conservatives, Born Agains, and Jews of all kinds, (Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Hasidic/Lubovitch). If I were asked to use one word to describe how the world, at large, feels about the Jewish people, I wouldn't hesitate to use "HATE." Though a kind of hidden jealousy also comes to mind. If you get a chance to watch this movie, I'd love to know what you think about it. For me, it was powerful. It made me angry, it frightened me, it gave me hope, but most of all, it made me worry about the future, hence my stance in the last entry. I fear for my future, and I fear for the future of my family. I guess we'll just have to see what the future brings.

Losing the Battle...

Stolen from Kevin's Blog:

Right Wing Christians to Gays: "Fuck Off."

Please read the article before you ready my response. If you get offended, then you should probably just relax.

These crazy, right wing Christians think they're under such persecution nowadays. No one has it better in America than conservative, white Christians, and they can't seem to understand that. Now there's other people, new groups that are becoming more prevalent in society, and all they want is equal rights, and it's like there's no room at the table for anyone else.

The America I believe in has a strong separation of church and state, and with how publicized Christian life is in this country, I feel like I'm part of a very small minority. Of course since I'm Jewish, I always feel like that, anyway. It's things like this that make me glad that Atheism is America's fastest growing "religion."

I know it's Christians like these that give all Christians a bad name, and I feel the same way about these people as I do about the Muslims that give Islam a bad name. They inspire terror. The only difference with the Christian Reich is they do it from the inside out.

Frankly, I'm afraid for what the future brings.


Finally, a degree I can use.

The University of Blogging

Presents to

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Quiz Addiction

Majoring in
Psychotic Ranting
Dr. GoQuiz.com


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com


Birthday meme (from Kyle's blog)

Go to Wikipedia and look up your birth day (excluding the year). List 3 interesting facts, 2 births, and 1 death in your journal, including the year.



1930 - The first color sound cartoon, called Fiddlesticks, is made by Ub Iwerks
1962 - The Beatles fire drummer Pete Best and replace him with Ringo Starr.
1974 - The Ramones play their first ever show at the CBGB's.


1378 - Hongxi Emperor of China (d. 1425)
1981 - Taylor Rain, American actress (porn star)


1977 - Elvis Presley, American singer and actor (b. 1935)


I need new shoes.

A new pair of black Puma Frankenclydes costs $60.

I need $60.



So the beer situation has been solved. I went Vons and bought a $4.99 6-Pack of San Miguel (Filipino beer, recommended to me by Antonio), and a $9.89 bottle of blue labeled Chimay (Made by Belgian Monks, made pretentious by Ryan and Kevin on St. Patty's Day). Those of you curious to know what a $10 bottle of beer looks like, look no further:

It's good. Real good. I only had two tastes on St. Patty's, one out of a plastic cup, then a swig from the bottle. Now that I'm drinking it out of a big boy glass, it actually tastes excellent. It doesn't fuck around. It's not an "it's time for a beer" beer, but if I were having a nice, RARE beef tenderloin it's definitely a viable alternative to red wine or single malt scotch. At first smell, it's got malt and fruit tones. Upon tasting, it's malty, but smooth. Fruit after tastes, too, and I'm even tasting a little banana, and I kinda dig it. If you're feeling like you want something different, go get a big bottle, a big glass, and knock yourself out. As for me, it's South Park time.

What the fuck?!

How come it's 1055p on a Saturday night, and I don't have a beer in hand? I've been waiting all week to put a few back, and I'm dry?!?!?! This travesty needs to be rectified.

Stan Marsh? More like Stan DARSH!*

We all remember those days on the playground when you used to fuck with people's names to razz on them? Well, when I was a kid the worst thing anyone could say to me to fuck with my name was to call me Jeff "Short" (instead of "Long." Check my URL if you have questions). And the thing about that was it didn't bother me, since it's un-creative. ...Wow, Jeff Short. You stay up all night thinking that one up? (I got to bed around 2-230). So nowadays, I find myself in middle school situations, and so many kids think they're so creative when they ask me "hey, do you know Mr. Short?" And I get that same feeling of "...wow."

*Please reference South Park Ep 603 in regard to the title of this post.


Attaining new levels in Heeb Hop;
Christianity's Newest Hero: Judas

I just purchased two albums of two Jewish hip hop artists.

The So Called Seder: A Hip Hop Haggadah


Balkan Beat Box

I even got the Afikomen Prize Pack for the first one, since it's a new release. Those that know what the Afikomen is, know that this prize pack's got to be exciting, whatever it is.

If anyone's looking to get a little insight on the modern American culture of God's chosen people, check out the new issue of Heeb Magazine. I read it all yesterday when I had breaks from class, and I laughed my ass off. If anyone wants to borrow my copy (or any of the last 3-4 issues) let me know. It's always a great read.

For all you gentiles out there, take a look at this article on the recently translated "Gospel of Judas," which is believed to be 100% authentic according to National Geographic. Dating to before 180 AD(BCE), it tells the story of Judas in Christ's final days. It's pretty interesting stuff, even to someone like me who considers the whole thing as fiction, anyway. Basically, it states that Judas still betrayed Jesus, but he did it at Jesus' request. A pact between friends, one could say. I thought the whole thing was compelling.

The Gospel of Judas


Guess who's started blogging again?


He's back from a five month blog hiatus, so check his blog out, and leave him a little love. I do.


La Cervesa Mas Fina

I'm more tired than yesterday.
I just had In & Out.
I just started a Corona (One of Two, I think)
I'm so ready for bed.
All I have to do before sleep happens is put my laundry in the dryer.

Tomorrow should be awesome.
I'm scheduled to be at a good school.
2nd Grade.
Then to H&R Block for a tax refund.
Then to The Olde Ship for some stout.

If I missed you tonight, know that I love you, and I hope all is well.



I wanted to blog about this last night, or this morning, but our network was down. Last night, I tossed and turned for what I can only assume was hours, then looked at my phone to see the digits to change to "3:00." I think I managed to fall asleep soon after. Wake up time came at 7a.

Today was easy, albeit tiring. Easy until Seventh period. Now, most of the kids at this school like me. More so than other subs. Kids have even gone as far to call me their favorite sub, which is flattering to no end. How disheartened I was when a girl came into class, and no more than 8 feet from me, groaned loudly, and said out loud "oh no, not this guy!" I turn to her, shocked by the amount of disrespect showed, and she has a look of "oh shit, I said that out loud." So if she was going to be that rude, I would make sure that she left that class with no doubt that I was an asshole. Yeah, it was petty. Yeah, I singled her out. I don't stand for bullshit. The teacher I was in for showed up at the end of the day, and I told her what happened, and she was on my side, and said she'd call the girl's parents to rat her out. In addition to that, the rest of the last period was bullshit fucking awful. How does admin decide that it's okay to have a class of 36 kids, 28 of which are ADD, 6-10 of which are on behavior contracts. There's probably scores of things I don't understand, but it just seems like they swept into one class what was left after all the good, then manageable, kids were distributed.

I got home at 430, and sat around dozing in and out of sleep for a while. Read some of the new Playboy, including a fairly good article about comics, then dozed off around 8. I woke back up at 11, and after watching Good Eats decided to write this. I've got work tomorrow, and with three hours of sleep already under my belt, I think I've afforded myself some time to watch late night TV, or at least last Sunday's Soprano's. Or maybe I'll just go to sleep. I mean, it is the title of this post, after all.

The best site you never realized you wanted to see

Thanks to consumate gentleman Brian K. Vaughan for digging this one up:

Onomatopeyas from the old Batman series.

Here's my favorites:

And the pièce de résistance?



That's how I feel tonight. I played cards tonight, which I haven't done in a while. I lost. Went out second. Of seven. But what surprised me tonight is that I find I'm a little nervous around the guys I play with (all amateur stand-up comics). And I think that is due to whenever I say something, or try to make a joke at someone's expense (which the other guys do profusely), it's taken as a hostile act. For example, I was looking at my phone, and it was my big blind. I neglected to put my chip in. So the guy next to me reaches into my stack, and I put my hand up and calmly say: "It's okay, I've got it." To which the whole table freaks out and says things like "Geez?!" and "I thought this was a friendly game." And I just couldn't figure out what the hell I said to freak everyone out. And this happens more than once, every time I go out. Maybe it's just a gag that I'm not in on. When I left, I just felt weird.


This site's too good to not plug... AGAIN.

Animator and artist, John Kricfalusi, has a blog, that anyone interested in art and/or animating, NEEDS to be reading. Besides being a personal blog where he plugs his own projects (and other animators'), he's talks greatly about nis involvment in the business of animation, past, present, and future, and he's almost teaching while he's doing it. He does some of the most original caracatures of celebrities. Check it out... AGAIN:


And before you ask yourself if this guy had anything to do with Ren & Stimpy, yes he did.

Link to follow in sidebar, under Art.


V for Very Good

Barb & I saw V for Vendetta tonight. Now, I really couldn't get into the comic, but I liked it. It's a great story. It's like whenever I read it, it just felt beleagured until around the last 100 pages, then I couldn't put it down. The movie, I didn't have any high expectations for. I thought it'd be cool, but not true to the comic. Plus the writer, Alan Moore, disowned the comic, so as to not be affiliated with the film. That said, V for Vendetta was awesome. It starts a little corny, and the end is much less ambiguous than the comic (which is where I thought the comic's charm was in full effect). It's wrought with parallels to things happening in our own culture, which (I guess) is somewhat controversial with the film's release. It's most definitely deserving of an R rating. I happily give it 4 Guy Fawkes masks out of 4

Now, it's time for beer, pizza & Zoolander.