8.03.2006

Ghetto Big Mac: Through the Looking Glass



In my never-ending quest to bring street cred to you white folks, I recently stumbled on a creation called the "Ghetto Big Mac." Ghetto Big Mac, you ask? Invented by hip hop blogger and philanthropist Dallas Penn (who I only first heard of in my quest to eat a GBM). I feel like I'm on the ground floor on an internet phenomenon. Watch the video, then keep reading.


Seen it yet?


Here we go.

I first heard of this from my boy Lex up in Vancouver on the ol' Cabal. Which took me to the video, and then to OhWord.com. Determined, I finally made it out to Mickey D's 90 minutes ago. Thank you, Dan at the Yorba Linda McD's, for being to clueless, yet willing to please. Here's how it's done. properly:

Order a Double Cheeseburger, $1.
Ask for a Sesame seed or "Quarter" Bun (as in 1/4 Pounder).
Hold the ketchup and mustard.
Ask for "Real Onions" or large cut onions instead of the small ones.
'Mac Sauce is free, and they don't care if you ask for it, so get it.
Order $1 Small Fry.


This will take some time, and some friendly banter, and the manager had to get involved, since Dan had no clue about the onions. The manager explained the difference between the big (fresh) and diced, little (dehydrated) onions. BIG ONIONS MAKE IT TASTE GOOD. Don't skip that part. Just ask for "real onions." I think that's how the mamager referred to 'em. With food in hand, hit a table, peel back the top patty, and feng shui half of your $1 fries to form the middle patty. Put the top half back on, and enjoy! I assembled mine at home, so my fries got cold. But it was fun. How's it taste? Just like a Big Mac. A big part of that is the sauce and onions. I'd do it again in a second. It was good and cheap, which is all the Dollar Menu is good for anyway.

On Lex's LiveJournal, he talked about trying this scheme in the drive-thru, with little success. This is a walk-in order, kids. Don't trust the drive through attendant, when you can look someone in the eye and order it and get it to-go. The whole thing felt sketchy, like I was pulling a fast one on this mega-global corporation. I can picture now, someone in teh McDonald's home office going "Oh Shit! What the Fuck?! Some motherfucker in Yorba Linda just pulled the goddamn WOOL over our eyes!" with profit margins falling like so much dookie after eating one of these things. People in red-and-yellow 3-piece suits running around, not knowing what to do. Copiers spewing reams of paper, unable to control the chaos that ensued from my order. And Ronald McDonald emerging from his chambers, dressed in robes, his big red feet going "honka-honka" as he walked into the main office to address the McOffice Managers.

Here's something I spent a few minutes on. Hope you enjoy. Note the grill ticket at the end.

6 comments:

rafi said...

It's a revolution in cheap eating.

David Press said...

I *think* I'm going to throw up.

R-Lex said...

Spread the word homey, and spread the thick greasy love.

Pia said...

Slightly more appealing than the Krispy Kreme burger.

However, you'd have to put a gun to my head to make me eat that.

Urban Docent said...

Fantastic. I used to do that with chips and everything else. )never knew what to call it)

Dallas said...

Hey Jeff,

Just hopping thru your page with the quickness to commend you on the effing great balance that you acheived with the fries.

Play on player.