Two Ay Em

That's what time it is now. I went to The Helm, a much-less-trashy-than-I-remember Costa Mesa bar (but still a motherfuckin' dive), to help celebrate a friend's bday. I had Beer, Jager, Beer, Jager Bomb, Beer. After a very calm walk home, I'm on an MGD to help get to sleep. Of course, I opened it 5 minutes ago and I have yet to drink even a little bit of it. Think my constitution is trying to tell me something? I've got an 8a rehearsal with the Orange County Mormon Orchestra tomorrow morning. We've joked about it for years, especially in college, but if you're jazz, you rehearse at night. Or at least after the morning. There isn't one iota of jazz in the very fiber of this group, which is why we're at 8a and not 8p. No one takes into consideration my late Friday night drinking. Bastards. So now I listen to Bob Marley on my iPod Shuffle (on shuffle mode, mind you) when I realize this is the second Bob song in a row. With all the songs I have, especially 25 Monk tunes, you'd think 2 sequential Bob Marley songs would maybe not happen. Not that I'm complaining. I love me some Bob lately. In any case, I need to go pick a movie to fall asleep to (hopefully). That shit didn't work last night with Empire Strikes Back. Maybe Return of the Jedi will have some help with knocking me out.



For those that don't know what a glissando is, take a look at the multiple definitions for Glissando at Dictionary.com. Done? Good. All those definitions are stupid. At least in relation to trombone. Blow a note and slide the slide in or out at the same time: Glissando. Think slide whistle.

Can't sleep. Big surprise. In the mean time, here's a Music Update.

March 15th, YL Orchestra, 7p, Forum Theater, 4175 Fairmont Blvd Yorba Linda, CA 92886

March 21st, OCMCO, 730p, Segerstrom Hall, OC Performing Arts Center.

I drank an espresso drink at the mug tonight when I went with Chris and Eric (Happy Birthdays to both of those guys). I know better. I need to stay away from caffeine with my kidney stone issues. But I couldn't resist. Now, I'm paying the price. Aikido is gonna be rough tomorrow at 10.

This Saturday, I'll be performing as part of the Yorba Linda Community Orchestra at 7pm in the Forum Theater (in Yorba Linda). I am principle trombonist. We are playing selections from Stravinsky's Firebird Suite, Holst's The Planets, and John William's original Music from Star Wars. No dumbed down stuff for us (well, a touch of the Stravinsky is dumbed down. Not the hard shit, tho).

Next Friday (Good Friday for those keeping score), in an effort to pollute yet another Christian holiday, I am performing as 2nd trombonist with the Orange County Mormon Choir & Orchestra (yes, Mormon. You'd think I'd've learned my lesson by now), to help LDS'ers from all over Southern California commemorate the return of Zombie Jesus. We're playing the mostly-new Segerstrom Hall at the Orange County Performing Arts Center. It should be damn exciting. Except for the poor voicing chosen by the conductor of a trombone glissando in one piece. Someone please show me how to play this, since I have yet to figure it out:

I can't figure out how to play this gliss. And trust me, it's a gliss, not a fall. I can feel it in my heart. For those that don't know/can't tell, see where it says "a2?" The note beneath that, to the next note, connected by that squiggly line that goes across the bar. A descending fifth, G to C, glissando. If I had a trombone pitched in G, with 8 positions, I could to it. Alas, I don't. Nor do I believe such an instrument exists. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Quick music theory/bone physics for you: The standard tenor trombone (which I play) uses slide positions as well as overtones to change pitch. In 1st position, using simple, not-too-high range, the partials, or overtones, are built off a Bb dominant chord as follows, low to high:

Bb2, F3, Bb3, D4, F4, (Ab4), Bb4. (Never play that Ab4, in 1st position, btw. It's way too flat to be useful.)

The slide extends in 7 positions, 1st being all the way in, 7th being fully extended. Each position further out (1,2,3,4,5,6,7) is a half-step apart from the previous. Starting on Bb, that gives us, Bb,A,Ab,G,Gb,F,E. Three whole steps from 1st to 7th position, or a tri-tone. A descending fifth is 3 1/2 whole steps, which necessitates an 8th position. Which doesn't exist. Also, no G in first position, so I can't even fake it if I wanted to.


I don't get paid enough...

Just got off work. I'm home, trying to catch a buzz. I'm tired like a motherfucker, watching Team America on the Secret Stash, and on comes a commercial for Quizno's featuring the voice talents of Michael Clarke Duncan. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. Then a commercial for Old Spice, starring Will Ferrell's Jackie Moon. I miss the Bruce Campbell ones.