10.21.2008

Irrational Fear of Zack

I have this irrational fear. I probably have blogged about it before, but it bears repeating. We just watched I Am Legend, and Will Smith spends his days (literally) protecting himself against these monsters that only come out at night. They remind me of zombies. I sometimes think that if I leave work at midnight, the mall will have a zombie or two in it, and they're trying to get at me. I've already figured out that if I can get to the knife shop on the floor above me and down a little ways from the restaurant, that I'll be able to get something to protect myself, like a sword, spear, or axe, or a gun hidden in a back office. But this begs the question, how do I get in the store without completely fucking myself, because if I break the glass, then I'm unprotected. That's not to say that if I shatter the glass, Zack won't immediately come running. Also, if there's a lot of zombies, and they see me, then they'll pour down both sides of the stopped escalators that I'd use to get up to the second floor. So I freaked myself out because I took my only escape route away. Then I remembered that, besides food and beverage, my restaurant offers roof access, reached only by a 20 foot ladder. So if they get in, I can still store the massive amounts of canned food in a place I can eat it. Too bad it's mostly gallon-size cans of creamed corn. But there is juice. These are the thoughts I think when I am left to my own devices. At least when I leave and I see the mall's cleaning crew, there are no zombies. Because if those guys are zombies, they're the best zombies at buffing a tile floor.

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